IT’S BEEN 5 YEARS
I do not know how you feel right now cause it’s been 5 years since my dad died and my life is still uncertain. Though we are not the best of friends nor the closest schoolmate but I would like to share what I have learned and experienced for the last 5 years. This is no preaching and please don’t think I’m enticing you to go back to attend a Christian church. And I hope what I share here is something you can pick up... this is about me, all I hope is to share...
NEW THINGS FOR 2003
Year 2003, this is the start of new things in our life, most of the last 2 months of 2002 has been strenuous, my sister is preparing for her wedding on April and my dad just got out after being hospitalized for almost 2 weeks.
April came, my sister got married and my dad is somehow taking it easy for the next two months until June 16 the father's day, they had a good weekend in Cavite which they usually frequent during holidays.
My dad felt unwell from Friday night until Sunday morning. I asked permission to go to church because I have service and he prayed with me. He went to get his Toyota Landcruiser to take mama to their school reunion in Manila Hotel and returned home still not feeling well. Pain was so unbearable that we took him to the hospital on Monday June 23 whether he liked it or not.
TRAGIC DAY
Morning around ten the doctors came and told him his appendix is near to burst and he has to have a
surgery.
Around 5 pm, I went to our accountant to get the necessary papers for the hospital and my brother in law kept telling me to hurry up. I didn’t know why. When I was in the bus, my brother in law told me my papa died. I cried crazy until I reached our home and took my youngest sister to the Chinese General Hospital.
I didn’t see my dad died, I didn’t spend the last few minutes with him neither did I have two weeks to take care of him.
I was so sorrowful for a year, can't stop talking about him, even now. He is always part of any conversation, things he thought me, things I promised him, things that has anything to do with him, even after five years, it still hard, I don’t think it’s something people can cure.
TO COMFORT
I was surprised to see that in our church lots of brothers and sisters lost their fathers too in the year after. I believe now in hindsight the Lord used me to be a comfort because we had a chance to comfort each other.
What to do now, still uncertain. The future seems bleak if you look at the situation worldwide, but during the last 3 years the Lord healed me little by little, step by step, inch by inch. How I wish it could be instant but it is not. It also is difficult to say time heals. Actually I believe it’s not time....
STILL SHED SOME TEARS
I believe I had to let go, and in time I did, not because it hurt less, because it doesn’t work that way for me. I still shed a tear when I see his stuff and I will tell you there are so many things I have at our old place, that reminds me of him.
I love my papa very much, even now, just sharing makes me teary-eyed. Letting go, it’s not just memories, but the reality that we can live on without being so sad is possible. It's not easy, but with the Lord's healing we can.
I got my sisters and brothers in the Valenzuela church who not only prayed for me but also try to understand my sadness and helped me go on, my family and friends tried and I love them for it, but only the Lord really helped me.
ONLY THE LORD
In my opinion, He is the Only One who knows me, who truly knows my sadness. He is the Only One who knows that I have difficulty to overcome everything, I was really lost. No one can talk to you during these times, no matter what time in the day. And yes it looks preachy, looks religious, but in reality, no amount of people who even went through the same thing can truly help. Only the Lord who really knows everything.
Just want to share. Whatever you believe in I hope that you can give Him a chance, He never gives up on us. Just a thought.
God Bless,
Liza O. Tan
Your Schoolmate
Grace Christian High School
Philippines
April 8, 2008
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